Tag Archive for: psychedelic

2019, three quarters through and so far, what a year. This blog has been quiet, falling behind my average snail’s pace of one post a month, but I have good excuses. My year has been jam packed with a healthy blend of projects along with the usual and ongoing quest to simultaneously find and create myself in an ever changing world.

I’ll get to some of the other stuff in other posts as I take stock to digest and process in this final quarter but today I’m writing about the entity that has by far and away received the most of my time, energy and focus this year:
New Moon Psychedelic Retreats.

new moon psychedelic retreat

New Moon Retreats is the culmination of my journey over the last decade; a psychedelic retreat integrating meditation and mindfulness practices. 

My first psychedelic experiences, almost a decade ago, made me more creative and curious, and encouraged me to adventure and explore the world. They also kickstarted my meditation practice. Because of how much I felt I’d benefitted, I was inspired to create this blog in an effort, amongst other things, to share information and make the experience more accessible to others.

I see New Moon as a natural extension of what I aimed to do with Maps Of The Mind; making psychedelic experiences accessible, but more than by means of information: by directly offering physical spaces and in person guidance. 

Finding My Way

Two years ago I had an experience that was itself a culmination of my journey to that point – a fruit of my travels inner and outer, readings and writings, studies and practices; a peak experience that I felt profoundly grateful to have had. It gave my path a new direction and clearer purpose, and a vision crystallised.

That vision was a centre where people can go to learn meditation and have deep psychedelic experiences. A place where anyone can go and have the opportunity to dive deep within, to develop understanding of themselves and others. Not everyone has access (yet), but creating New Moon Retreats has been a significant step towards that vision.

The venue we host New Moon Retreats

With direction and fresh inspiration, I committed more fully to my path and began going to trainings, workshops and conferences. I began to facilitate privately in the therapeutic model of using headphones and eyeshades, and was fortunate enough to spend time and work on retreat with Myco Meditations in Jamaica, where I learnt a tremendous amount about psilocybin mushrooms and group retreats. After moving to Berlin, I completed a mindfulness coaching course and began a meditation meet up. Through it all, my personal practice has remained fundamental, and I’ve continued to write about my learnings to consolidate them, journal my thoughts to reflect on them, and continued to make an effort to develop and evolve my personal meditation practice.

Finding The Others

psychedelic psilocybin retreat

On my way I met the others who currently make up the rest of New Moon. During my year travelling through Latin America – when I documented my explorations with ayahusaca in the amazon, San Pedro in Peru, peyote and DMT in the Mexican desert, and mushrooms in the mountains of Oaxaca – I met Tuk whilst staying at a hostel Buenos Aires. He was in the continent to explore psychedelics too and our shared interest provided fertile ground for a budding friendship. After exploring the capital together we reconnected in Peru and remained in touch after our American travels.

Whilst visiting Tuk in Copenhagen, I met his mother Ulla at the Psychedelic Symposium, and then a couple months later volunteered alongside Maria at Altered Conference in Berlin. A year later, whilst at Beyond Psychedelics, I decided to move to Berlin, where, finding myself two weeks later, I reconnected with Maria and together we began to organise psychedelic integration events at her studio. When the seeds for New Moon began sprouting, the team was already connected.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls”
Joseph Campbell

What Is Different About The Retreats?

Meditation
Our retreats place the psilocybin sessions amidst meditation and mindfulness practice because I understand this to be the perfect container for deep and rewarding psychedelic sessions. I haven’t seen meditation as an integral part of the program on other psychedelic retreats and is something I wanted to offer. Our program includes an accessible course of meditation practice with guided meditations and mindfulness exercises.

Small groups & high ratio of facilitators to participants
We have 4 facilitators for each group of 8 participants. This is so that we can give each person due attention and care, allows us time for one to ones with everyone, and aims to enable a deeper level of connection and intimacy with each group.

Option of 1 or 2 psilocybin sessions
We currently have two retreat formats: a 3 night and a 5 night. The 3 night format is with one psilocybin session and the 5 night format is with two. The five night is for people who want to explore psilocybin more deeply and includes further integration activities and awareness practices. Having multiple sessions on a retreat is something I felt was excellent about Myco Meditations as it allows people to go deeper.

A New Moon Dawns

new moon psychedelic retreats

The garden at the retreat venue

On the New Moon of the 1st August, we commenced our first retreat, and over the next 11 days guided 11 participants through two retreats: a 4 day with 1 psilocybin session, and a 6 day with 2. We had two groups of people who came with honest and earnest intentions to learn and grow, and we were fortunate that everyone who came was understanding and accommodating in that it was our first retreats.

Working with people so intimately over these 11 days was humbling, heart opening, inspiring, and ultimately, meaningful. Spending time in a small community in nature surrounded by people who are making an honest effort to work on themselves, in an environment where everyone is encouraged to open up and share themselves, was hugely enriching.

Reviewing The First Retreats

So how did the retreats go? Overall, I’d say they went as well as we could’ve hoped for. Though I don’t believe psychedelics are a panacea or cure all, they certainly can facilitate potent and powerful experiences capable of triggering significant shifts. And our participants did have powerful experiences. From their end, the feedback we have received has been good and of the 8 people who’ve completed our anonymous feedback form, all have given us a final 5/5. That is something I wish to maintain.

psilocybin psychedelic truffles

Psychedelic truffles used on the retreats

Our initial aim was to do 2 retreats this year as pilots and then to assess if we’re doing a good thing and should continue. The first wave of feedback has been enough to affirm this and has supported my belief that this is the most impactful way I can have a positive influence on a world on which I feel significant and drastic change is needed.

Though the retreats have given me confidence and courage to go on creating these spaces and offering this experience, I feel now more than ever the importance of developing as a facilitator, a leader, and a person. The feeling has only become more certain and one of my favourite adages, that ‘there is always room for improvement’, remains as true as ever. In a new field that is directly involved with people’s mental wellbeing but that has no cultural container or tradition in the West, I feel a growing sense of responsibility and the requirement to live with integrity and be accountable for my actions. I realise too that the people I want to work and surround myself with are also those who won’t rest on their laurels or get caught up patting themselves on the back, but who seek continued growth.

Moving Forward

With the encouragement from our first groups, New Moon will move forward and we have booked our next retreat for the end of November. Moving on, I would like to develop the mindfulness part of the program and, after being inspired by seeing Vanja Palmers talk recently, feel more drive than ever to make it happen. I have some exciting ideas to integrate these schools and look forward to implementing them.

community hands group

The integration, follow up and aftercare is also an area I would like to develop. Specifically, I’d like a focus on community, empowering people to find and create communities where they can find support and accountability on their path. I’d also like to introduce aspects of habit formation psychology that I’ve found hugely beneficial, and some means of loosening the grip of digital addiction, something I want to continue working on myself and which I honestly see as a major epidemic contributing to much of the mental health problems in the world today.

As for a longer term vision, we would ultimately like to make the experience more financially accessible. As I’ve mentioned before, something like vipassana system where anyone can go for free and make an optional and anonymous donation at the end would be ideal. That is something we can only do once we are financially stable, but in the shorter term, having a free spot per retreat or a donation based retreat a year might be a good stepping stone.

Much to do and plenty to be getting on with then. But, one thing at a time, and as we go, let’s try to enjoy the ride.

sunrise mountains

Thanks for reading and hope to see you on retreat soon.

psychedelic survey science research

If you’d like to help out psychedelic science but don’t qualify for one of the trials or have the cash to donate to MAPS, you can still contribute to psychedelic research by completing a survey online at psychedelicsurvey.com.

About The Psychedelic Survey

The Psychedelic Research Group from Imperial College London teamed up with Danish software architect Kenneth Jønck at the end of 2016 to create the prospective study and by October last year 1400 participants from all around the world had participated in the study and analysis of the data began.

psychedelic survey results slide conference

Presentation of the findings

Just this last weekend I saw a presentation with some of the findings at Insight conference in Berlin and found the results not only interesting, but also very useful and practical. This encouraged me to make my re-entry to the blogging world (I’m back!) with this post to nudge you psychonauts to contribute to the movement and help us better understand these substances and how the effects and outcomes are influenced by other factors. I’m sure filling in a questionnaire will help you learn something about your own psychedelic use too.

psychedelic survey research scienceYour experience is helpful if you’re microdosing, going on a retreat, or just planning a psychedelic experience that isn’t in a ceremonial context. There is even a self-blinding microdose study complete with instructional video about how to set it up. Very cool.
microdose lsd acid psilocybin mushrooms self blinding

From the video demo on self-blinding

You can find out more on their website, which also has an easy to use search engine for psychedelic research papers. Go, be part of psychedelic science!

clouds sky

what is psychedelic integration

Integration has become a bit of a buzzword in the psychedelic world the last few years and this subfield has been growing rapidly with whole systems, protocols and philosophies being devised and developed by individuals and organisations. The number of integration circles, events and workshops around the world is growing just as fast and you can find whole tracks of talks dedicated to psychedelic integration at international conferences and forums.

This topic is huge and I could write a whole series on integration (I plan to).

But, first, the basics:

What is psychedelic integration, exactly?

What does it mean to integrate psychedelic experiences?

To begin, a definition of what it means to integrate, non-psychedelically.

integrate /ˈɪntɪɡreɪt/
: to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole : unite.

So if to integrate is to make whole by bringing all parts together, psychedelic integration could be seen as unifying the psychedelic and non-psychedelic sides of someone. It is to harmonize how a person is – how they feel, think and act -when they are in a psychedelic state and when they aren’t.

A definition of entheogenic integration, from ERIE (Entheogenic Research Integration & Education):

N.B. Entheogen is another word for psychedelic substance.

If psychedelic experiences offer us opportunities to learn about how to live and what’s truly important, then integration is living in accordance with that wisdom, day to day, and not just thinking or theoretically understanding profound truths. 

It’s becoming unified with those moments of deep insight and understanding that can be experienced on or after psychedelic journeys. Depending on your background, culture and worldview, these moments may also be referred to as epic realisations, insights, cosmic downloads, mystical revelations, receiving of divine wisdom, messages from God, ‘aha’ or ‘eureka’ moments.

“Strictly speaking, these drugs do not impart wisdom at all, any more than the microscope alone gives knowledge. They provide the raw materials of wisdom, and are useful to the extent that the individual can integrate what they reveal into the whole pattern of his behaviour and the whole system of his knowledge.”
Alan Watts

Ingmar Gorman psychedelic integration science conference

Ingmar Gorman, speaking on the integration track at Psychedelic Science 2017, described integration with the following:

  • Happens after an experience
  • Reflection or understanding of one’s experience
  • Merging of one’s experience with daily life
  • Maintaining positive benefits
  • Assisting with challenging or intrusive thoughts and feelings
  • Navigating relationships
  • It can be very ordinary

He also made the point that it is interdisciplinary (psychology, physical fitness, artistic expression etc.) and multi intentioned (healing, spiritual, personal growth).

Katherine Maclean, also on the integration track at Psychedelic Science referred to James Lore’s definition of integration:

“is a deliberative, active participation, as well as an allowing. Integration is a process of stepping into and trusting that meaning making is an ongoing ordinary human capacity that happens throughout your life.”

This quote hints at how integration is both an organic and deliberate process. Organically, some things may change without effort; thought patterns or behaviours, or maybe something that is harder to identify more than a general feeling of freshness and rejuvenation.

Deliberately is the active participation, and to willingly participate in the integration process, one must first affirm their insights and validate the importance of the experience, and not just brush it off as a ‘trip’ or ‘some drug experience’. This is where integration circles can be beneficial, or finding a community or others who understand and are open to hearing about a psychedelic experience. As well as hearing your story, friends and community can help with support and accountability.

Weaving the mystical with the practical

Insights may be affirmed and a belief that what was experienced or understood has real value beyond the trip. The session has revealed something that is deeply felt needs to be done or changed, but still, it doesn’t all come easy. Some insights can be challenging or uncomfortable, and so require more time, effort and conscious practice to act on and fully realise. This is where planning, structure, effort and support come in. Structured practices, system implementation and habit formation can be huge in this process, and I see this deliberate part of integration as having a large overlap with the fields of personal development and self improvement. I’ll continue on this theme in another post.

Thanks for reading.

amsterdam netherlands

Planning a trip to Amsterdam, The Netherlands, or even just Europe, and want to make an inner journey too? This guide to taking magic truffles is for you.

What Are Magic Truffles?

magic galindoi truffles 15g packet

Magic truffles, AKA psilocybin truffles, are a type of fungus that contain psilocybin. Psilocybin is the naturally occurring psychedelic molecule that is found in ‘magic mushrooms’ and is what gives them their psychedelic effect and ‘magic’ title.

Truffles are at an earlier stage of fungal development than mushrooms but effectively the same thing. The only real difference is that the amount of psilocybin per weight is lower in truffles than mushrooms. More on dosage below.

Psilocybin

Psilocybin has been shown to have an impressive range of positive effects. It can trigger lasting personality changes, improve mood and alleviate depression, reduce anxiety, catalyze creative insights, and reliably occasion mystical experiences. Psilocybin has been shown to be safe, non-addictive, and non-toxic.

Would you like to improve your ability to successfully harness the benefits of psychedelics?
Join The Conscious Psychedelic Explorer, our flagship course.

the conscious psychedelic explorer online course

The Conscious Psychedelic Explorer is a 6-week deep dive course designed to empower you to find a personalised approach to using psychedelics for transformation and growth.

Find out more and join the waitlist for the next cohort

Why In The Netherlands?

There are only two countries in the world where psilocybin is legal: Jamaica and the Netherlands. You can find magic mushrooms in Jamaica but there are a lack of quality vendors.

amsterdam netherlands

In Holland, magic truffles are fully legal. Truffle production has reached a commercial level; you can walk into a store, choose from a variety of truffles that have been vaccum packed and refrigerated, and ask staff questions before making your purchase. These types of stores, often called ‘smart shops’, are plentiful in Amsterdam, which is a short journey from any major city in Europe.

Where Can I Buy Magic Truffles?

azarius amsterdam smartshop smart shop truffles

There are many smart shops in Amsterdam where you can find magic truffles. One place is Azarius at Kerkstraat 119. Azarius is a smart shop with an impressive range of goodies. They have friendly staff who will answer your questions and give you information and advice about magic truffles. 

truffle menu amsterdam

Truffle menu

Dosage

Generally, you can buy per dose. I recommend you to get advice from the staff in the shop you buy your truffles from; tell them your experience with psychedelics and what type of experience you are looking for, and ask them any questions you have.

Truffles are sold fresh in shops, so if bought, then kept for a long time and dried out, the equivalent weight will be significantly lower. As a rough guide here are dosages with fresh truffles, as sold.

5 – 10g Low dose. Those with a higher tolerance may not feel anything at 5g.
10 – 20g Medium dose. Could be strong for a first timer.
20 – 30g High dose
30g +  Very high dose – Potential spiritual or peak experience. Not recommended to do alone or if its a first psychedelic experience.

Serving

I have 4 options for you:

1. Eat them plain
2. Make a truffle tea
3. Make a truffle smoothie

4. ’Lemon Tek’.

  1. Eat them plain
    Eating them as they are straight out of the packet is the least appetising way but the simplest. Truffles don’t taste good and are crunchy in a bad way, but straight up chomping them will still get the job done. Chew well.

2. Truffle Tea is probably the most distinguished way to consume your truffles.

make magic truffle tea

To make your truffle tea:

  • Crush your truffles up well and put them in a mug or other container.
  • Bring water to boil and then remove it from the heat. Let the water sit and cool off for a few minutes – you want it to be hot, but not boiling. As long as it is cool enough to drink, that’s okay.
  • Optional step: Whilst your water is cooling off, add some fresh ginger. The ginger adds a nice flavour and can help to lessen any nausea. You can also add another type of tea.
  • Once the water has cooled slightly, pour it over your crushed up truffles.
  • Give it a good stir and let it infuse for for 10 minutes.
  • Add honey or a sweetener if you’d like to sweeten it.
  • Drink your tea and then eat up the truffles left in the bottom of your mug.

Extra note: If you prefer not to eat the truffles, pour over another round of tea, letting it sit for another 5-10 minutes and drink again. This will ensure that most of the psychedelic goodness makes it into your brew. If you want to be 100% certain that you don’t waste anything and get maximum effect, you should eat up any leftover truffles in the bottom of your mug.

3. Truffle Smoothie
This can be a nice yet simple way to mask that truffle taste. Chuck them in a blender with some fruits or juice, then enjoy. Throw in some slices of raw ginger to help with the nausea.

4. Lemon Tek
It has been claimed that the ‘lemon tek’ method will make your trip come on faster and harder. I can’t neither confirm nor deny this claim, but I will say that the lemon flavour helps to mask the taste of the truffles.

lemon tek psilocybin psilocin magic truffles netherlands amsterdam

To lemon tek:

  • Crush your truffles up well and put in a glass. The more crushed up, the better. You can also use a coffee grinder if the truffles have been been dried out.
  • Cover your truffles with freshly squeezed lemon juice, enough to cover them, so they’re bathing in it.
  • Let sit for 20-25 minutes (not longer), stirring every 5 minutes.
  • Drink the whole mix. It won’t taste beautiful, so you’ll probably want to get it down fast.

N.B. Whichever method you choose, I’d recommend taking them on an empty stomach – to make the most of your dose and to lessen any nausea – a common side effect.

Where To Take Them?

The setting of the trip will influence the experience so it’s worth considering. Here are a few options. Scroll down for more info on each one.

1. Private apartment / AirBnB
2. Find a natural setting
3. Go on a psychedelic retreat

1. Private apartment / AirBnB

If you’ve got access to a private place, this is a nice option. One way is to find a nice place on AirBnB. You can set the place up to be cosy and clean and get some nice playlists ready to guide your experience. You also don’t have to worry about speaking with strangers or dealing with other similar unforeseen circumstances.

apartment indoor

Having a private space allows you to have a controlled environment and this can help to relax. I would recommend this if you are inexperienced with psychedelics and are planning a deep experience. Have enough food at base so that once your appetite returns, you don’t need to go out in to the big scary world if you don’t feel like it.

I am available to as a sitter for such private experiences, so if you’re interested in having my support, feel free to get in contact.

2. Find a natural setting

nature forest psychedelic trip

This can be a great way to connect with the beauty of the natural world. If you’re gonna do this, I’d recommend going further than finding a park in the city and finding nature that is out of Amsterdam, at least out of the city centre. Forests and beaches are nice. Better still, go camping. There are a couple of nature options in a blog post written here.

If you are planning this, be well prepared.

First, check the weather forecast. If it looks like weather you’re happy to be tripping in, pack well but also don’t overdo it.

Here’s some things to take:

• Suitable clothes – Fairly obvious but can be overlooked. Don’t forget your sunnies for good weather and a raincoat if there’s a chance of showers. If you’ll be out after sunset, make sure you have enough clothes to keep warm.
• Something to lie on – Though nature is nice, so is being comfortable. Think sleep/yoga mat or picnic blanket.
• Water and food – Common sense. Nuts and fruit are always a good option.
• Music/speakers – Come on, you’re gonna be tripping.
• Pen and paper – For drawing or writing.
• Pre-rolled joints – I wouldn’t recommend this if you’ve never smoked before but if you do smoke weed, your tripping self will thank you for the pre-rolleds later; trying to roll a joint whilst tripping hard can be a difficult and tedious process.  Having one or two ready is nice even if its just for the end of the trip to relax. Plenty of good weed and hash to be found in Amsterdam.

3. Go on a psychedelic retreat

The unique legal status of psilocybin truffles in the Netherlands combined with increasing interest in psychedelics has lead to a rise in retreats. Now there are a few and you have a choice if you wish to have a psilocybin experience on a retreat.

The context and container of the experience – how one is prepared for it and the company and environment in which it is held – plays a large part in the experience and how it will effect you, so a retreat can play a huge role in maximising potential benefits. Different retreats can vary on many factors, including length, focus, cost, comfort level etc., so I’d recommend looking through and getting a feel for the different options, before making a decision on one which most closely aligns to what you are looking for.


Come on retreat with me! New Moon Retreats is a psychedelic retreat I’m co-creating which integrates meditation and mindfulness practices. We have a small yet amazing team working towards our aim of increasing access to psychedelic experiences in a way which is designed to maximise benefits and help people on their journey. You can find out more and apply here.

open sunrise

Safe Travels!

Magic truffles can have powerful effects so I wouldn’t recommend taking the decision to take them lightly. However, if you do decide to and prepare well, you may be in for an ineffably beautiful and potentially life-changing experience. I’ll leave you with some basic guidelines found at Azarius below. Safe travels!

magic psilocybin truffles guide advice

universe cosmos colours beautiful

Psychedelics and meditation have both had a strong influence on my life and are somehow inextricably intertwined. I first got interested in meditation in the aftermath of primary experiences with LSD, and now meditation, in some way or another, informs every psychedelic session I take.

There is dispute in the Buddhist community about the value of psychedelics ‘on the path’ and if you’re interested in the intersection of Buddhism and psychedelics, I highly recommend the book Zig Zag Zen. There are plenty of other articles on this topic, but today I’m just gonna share a bit of my story and how these two things have weaved their way into my life.

Discovering LSD

lsd acid tabs psychedelic

I first tried LSD as a curious guy keen for new experiences. As someone who enjoyed being creative, I was especially interested in new ways of thinking. I also wanted to have fun. I had little idea what I was in for when I put that little piece of paper in my mouth, but looking back, I now see those first experiences as pivotal in my life. Though they’ve affected me in many ways, one that stands out is how they lead me to meditation. At the time I had never tried meditating, nor had any real idea what it was, but if I had never tried LSD, I honestly doubt I’d have started meditating.

How Psychedelic Experience Lead Me To Meditation

On the tail end of my first LSD trips, I didn’t have any ‘comedown’. The post-trip chapter I experienced would more accurately be described as a serene, contemplative afterglow. After the ecstasy and madness of the peak, I descended to a more peaceful state which was in its own way, my favourite part of the whole experience. Though at the time I didn’t have any clear idea of what ‘meditation’ meant, I described the afterglow state to friends as meditative; my mind was sharp and clear and I was deeply reflective. I also noticed that my breathing naturally became long and slow. This tuning into the flow of my breath was a naturally induced meditation session.

When my friends and I didn’t naively first time candy flip on a Sunday and have to go to work the next day without getting a wink of sleep (see: my first time on acid – I started a new job that Monday – another story, another time), an ideal recovery day would be spent chilling with my fellow travellers. We’d order pizza, smoke joints and get comfortable on the sofas for a run of movies. After a long session, we were always physically exhausted, yet my mind was always energised. With this mental energy I’d wander philosophically through themes and ideas that came up in the films, conversation, music or anything else. As we watched movies I’d interpret them in all kinds of novel ways, see metaphors the writers and directors had put in, and understand concepts that I hadn’t considered before. I’d make notes in my journal about interesting ideas that came to mind and, of course, just generally enjoy hanging out. Relaxed but attentive, naturally contemplative, it was a taster for meditation.

lsd acid psychedelic trippy meaning

In the wake of these experiences, my mind was clearer. I had a greater awareness and detachment of my thoughts. I felt wiser. I was looking at things from a greater perspective more often and more naturally, like that mental trick you do when something bad happens and you ask yourself “how much will this matter in 5, 10 or 20 years?”, or you zoom out on google maps to try and coerce the overview effect. I was thinking more creatively and seeing metaphors in almost everything, and my behaviour became less guided by fear and petty concerns. The effect was sudden and obvious, and lasted some months before beginning to fade and older mental habits and ways of being began to return.

I missed my newly found but now fading clarity and wisdom, but I’d experienced another way of being that I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. Following a wikipedia trail, I was lead from psychedelic drugs to non-ordinary forms of consciousness to meditation; a method of changing awareness, without substances. Though my access to psychedelic substances was gone, my newly whetted appetite for discovery remained, and I moved to Asia with a job teaching English.

London England Shanghai Pudong

From the UK to China

In my new home city of Shanghai, I started going to classes on meditation and reading books on the topic. Reading books about Buddhism felt like I was reading books about psychedelic experience, and in retrospect, they were some kind of integration texts. I began a daily meditation practice, and soon after went on my first silent retreat in 2012.

temple stay meditation korea

Temple stay in Korea

In the 6 years that have passed since, meditation practice has become a key foundation in my life. I’ve been back on other retreats and temple stays, was part of a Zen sangha in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh in Spain, and last year started a weekly meditation group in Berlin. Meditation is what a friend of mine would call a fundamental – others include exercise, diet, community and creative projects – and mindfulness is a skill I find applicable in so many situations of life. 

Like many others, my practice started with psychedelics. And while my first psychedelic journeys lead me to meditation, meditation has boomeranged back around and played its role in my psychedelic sessions. Today I’ll share one example.

How Meditation Helped On A Deep Journey

On a grey Saturday a couple years ago, alone in a friend’s house whilst he was away for the weekend, I took 250 micrograms of LSD. In the months before, I’d been reading various psychedelic-therapeutic protocols and had prepared accordingly for the session. I managed the anxiety of a turbulent come up by relaxing myself many times as I noticed myself getting anxious and tightening up, and directing my attention to my breathing. Around an hour in, as the lysergic waves really began to come on strong, I was lying down, looking up at the ceiling.

In one moment, a monster appeared above me. It was hovering over me, looking down at me from the ceiling. I was looking directly at its face, and it was looking right back at me, right into my eyes.

monster beast

I was instinctively gripped by fear. My shoulders and rest of my body tightened up instantly as I stared in shock. The beast was of course not physically there, it was a manifestation of my fears, a representation of what scares me and had been avoided.

I held the monster’s gaze, took a deep breath in, and with a long exhale, relaxed my body, letting tension go. As I did this, the monster dissolved into harmless patterns right before my eyes. The visual information was in fact the same – the rich ceiling patterns that made up the monsters face were still there – but they no longer appeared scary or even as a being to me. What changed wasn’t the sensory information I was receiving, it was my perception of it. What made up the ‘monster’ was still there, I just saw it differently. I had a new perspective.

There were a few other moments leading up to this confrontation where I noticed myself getting anxious and tightening up, and I consciously relaxed my body. I see these as like smaller hurdles that once passed, allowed me to get to the point of this confrontation. The dissolution was like a jumping off point, and after this I dropped deep into ineffable experience.

universe cosmos colours beautiful

The journey was deep and had many chapters: there were visions of a past life, alternate realities, and repressed emotions burst up and were released though uncontrollable bouts of sobbing. In the most profound chapter, it was a transpersonal experience; ‘I’ disappeared, along with time, and experience just happened.

I’ll share this story in more detail another time but for now I think its enough to say it was a significant experience that shifted something deep inside of me. The next day I felt lighter and clearer. I had more understanding and compassion. And my meditation practice was revived with a spark. I hadn’t been this affected since those very first journeys – the ones that spurred me on to meditation. I didn’t become a holy and all-understanding being overnight, but I inched in that direction. 

Reflecting on the session afterwards, I saw how techniques that I’d learnt in meditation helped me to relax, to let my guard down and open to the experience with lessened resistance. And this is why I recommend meditation to anyone considering a first psychedelic experience. Including you.

Thanks for reading.